April 22, 2015

What is Casual Sex?

Are You Riding Casually? Riding Dirty? Or Being Taken For a Ride?

Nowadays not everyone is looking for a relationship - and that is more than 100% okay. 

But...they still want to have sex. Again - more than 100% okay!

What isn't okay, is when casual sex isn't really casual, because it doesn't mean the same thing for both parties involved. 

So, let's talk about casual sex, and what it actually is. 

Casual Sex IS:

- Mutual. Both parties are on the same page about how they feel and what they want out of the arrangement. 

- Respectful. Both parties are behaving in a way that makes them both comfortable. 

- Casual! Though mutual agreement of the "terms" and respect is required for it to proceed successfully without it being a form of coercion or abuse, the term implies that nothing more than the act of sex itself (or any other benefits) is expected unless otherwise specified and agreed upon by both parties. This means that emotional progression is not expected. Exclusivity is not expected. In fact, continuation of the arrangement itself is not expected. 

Casual Sex IS NOT:

- A label that can be applied retroactively. If you've been dating someone for a while, things are progressing, and sex happens in line with that progression, you can't turn around one day when you're ready for a break or an exit and say, "but I thought it was casual". It isn't a parachute to help you jump out of a commitment that you weren't ready for. 

- A backdoor to a relationship. If you want a relationship with someone, but no-strings-attached sex is all that's on offer - DO NOT start getting busy with the idea that one day it will blossom into the relationship you want. It most likely won't, and you'll end up getting hurt and feeling taken advantage of. 

- An umbrella term that encompasses behavior such as cheating, dishonesty about the existence of other partners, or getting people to have sex with you using coercion or lies. "Casual" sex is only casual and no-big-deal if both parties are on board and feel respected. There's a difference between being casual and being a straight up liar. 

So, are you having casual sex?

Here are some ways to tell...

If you are saying or doing things that you don't mean to make sex happen - you aren't having casual sex. 

If you're waiting for the right time to bring up your deep feelings - you aren't having casual sex. 

If you're completely honest with your casual partner about everything...except your wife - you aren't having casual sex. 

If you use sex to debase people and make yourself feel powerful - you aren't having casual sex. 

If however you are...

Completely comfortable with the idea of "no commitment" - you're having casual sex!

Okay with the casual arrangement stopping at any time - you're having casual sex!

Honest when your casual partner asks you about other people - you're having casual sex!

Sure that your casual partner is not interested in more than what you have to offer - you're having casual sex!

Why do these things matter? Why does honesty matter, why does consideration matter? If it's casual, shouldn't you not have to worry about all this stuff. 


Casual doesn't equal a complete and total disregard for the well being of others. People have the right to know if you have other sex partners so they can protect themselves from STI's. Do not assume that your partner, whoever they might be and however they might seem, is comfortable with casual sex. You might think you met a fun partner for the weekend, and they might think they met their soulmate, and that's why they were willing to go to bed so early even though they typically don't. Be careful. Keep it on the up-and-up. Don't talk about next weekend, or next month if you don't even intend to stick around for next morning. 

It's not that hard, really. Just be honest. Be respectful. And be careful, both physically and emotionally, when you're being casual. 

x's and many o's,


More posts like this on Belle Rosada's sex blog O School 
For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Sex Tips


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