September 10, 2014

Casual Sex?

Oh please, and no thank you.

This is not going to be some liberal, feminist post about the pros and cons of casual sex. Whether or not its socially acceptable. Who should have it. Who should just admit that they have too many feelings. Instead, this post is going to be one hundred percent reflective of my personal feelings about casual sex - right now, at this point in my life - and what I think when eager, bright eyed men set out to achieve it with my fabulous little self. 

When this happens, though I smile politely and usually find a diplomatic way of letting them know - usually without completely shattering their egos and spirits - that it isn't going to happen, on the inside I am somewhere between hysterically laughing and throwing up. On the inside, my inner goddess is rolling her eyes thinking, Better men have failed.

I'm not interested in being casually regarded. Period. I'm too damn fabulous for that. Let's not even talk about personality for a moment, and call it what it is, since people who are looking for casual sex with me aren't trying to fuck my personality. It's about a physical thing, yes? Face. Body. Booty. They want to touch, feel, penetrate, experience me...casually.

Here's a short and sweet list of reasons why I have no interest in having that happen.

1. Ewwwww

Yeah, I said it. I've always been a bit of a germaphobe, so let me spell it out for those of you who may not suffer from the same affliction.

Simply put, I don't know where you've been! Do you know that when you kiss someone, along with sensation and spit, you're also swapping bacteria? Which makes you more vulnerable to cavities? When I meet people who seem to make out as casually as they shake hands, I picture glowing, green swarms of bacteria running lose in their germ ridden mouths. The more partners they seem to have, the greener their mouths appear in my mind's eye.

Why would I want to make out with that?

Not to mention that the serial casual sexers are doing a lot more than kissing casually. So again - ewwww! I've said it before and I'll say it again: If I have to wonder whether something deadly is lurking on the other side of the condom, I am not having sex with you.

2. I'm too special

There's a sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken slogan built into casual sex, and it goes something like: No Big Deal.

Actually? Sex is a big deal in my eyes. Since trying online dating I have been on a lot of dates, and it's been shocking to learn just how easy going some people can be about taking off their clothes and penetrating an almost stranger. What bothers me most about it is the vocabulary of it. "Hooking up", "fooling around", "messing around", "playing around". Really?! This is what sex means to you? This is what I'm supposed to be getting all hot and bothered over? For some random guy to hook up, fool/mess/or play around with me in a casual, no big deal sort of way? Ugh...

No, people don't always spell it out that way, which is why it doesn't always sound so insulting or gross. But I think the subtext is extremely important. Excuse me for being so serious, but I'm not inviting anyone who doesn't take me seriously into my body to play with me.

If you want a disposable toy, go to the sex shop.

3. I'm only interested in good sex

I don't care how good you think you are in bed. Casual sex is seriously lacking. When men look for casual sex with me, it's mostly based on a physical assessment. They approve of the way I look, and decide I would be a good time. For them. And somehow they've also decided that I would have a good time too, even though the only thing they intend to actively pursue is their own pleasure.

Casual sex means there will be no deep, intimate kisses. By definition anything casual cannot be deep and intimate. It has to be shallow and detached.

During this shallow, detached sex there will not be a genuine connection. A physical connection - a literal connection - does not equal a real one. It doesn't equal a participant that is both aware of and concerned with your body's reaction to them. It's end based. It's assuming that an orgasm means good sex, without regard for the journey on the way.

That, to me, is sad, disappointing sex. And why settle for bad sex with a stranger when you can have amazing sex with a sex toy (that you are bonded with and know very well) while you wait for something real to come along?

So this is my official position for the moment: My panties only drop for the worthy.

Your thoughts?

x's and many O's,



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