April 23, 2014

No Assembly Required

From Man to Manual Override  

Disclaimer: To avoid permanent injury, please Google carpal tunnel stretches before trying any of the techniques mentioned in this post.
Yes. Seriously.

The male body is a wonderful thing. It's strong, muscular, and when aroused can reshape ordinarily mundane materials, stabilizing them to form impressive teepees. Still, with or without a man in her life, sometimes a woman has to pull rank. That is, to take matters into her own...well...


As mentioned in previous posts, the best way to teach a partner what you need in bed is to first learn it yourself. And when I say learn, I am referring to a hands-on experience. Even if you're just looking to engage in safe sex (the safest sex), or build some upper body strength, this is still a wonderful option. In terms of learning your body though, this method is ideal.

In fact, it's magnificent.

Now I literally read through 500+ euphemisms for the activity we're about to discuss (I've posted the link at the end if you're interested) and while I may throw some cute ones in here and there, I'm leading off with my absolute favorite...

Ladies - Today we are talking about Polishing the Pearl.

We've talked about how important comfort is when you're trying to have an orgasm with a partner. Trying to have one with yourself is no different. Don't just go charging into gland to hand combat thinking that roughing up the suspect is a sure road to an O. And while you're absolutely entitled to exercise your right and call in the secret service every now and then, you want to make sure you aren't getting trigger happy. I know you want to finish, but it's not a race. So slow down, DJ Diddles. Work at your own speed...

Okay, that's as many euphemisms as I can fit into a paragraph without laughing so hard I start crying all over my Mac. Okay, okay...let's get serious...

Your time with yourself is not about pressuring yourself to perform. This should be a pressure free time when you can truly discover what you want and need. If you're someone who has trouble achieving orgasm - not just from penetration, but in general - it may be a good idea to for a while to put the O out of your mind altogether.

The female orgasms is about release, not just of body, but of mind.

That means, if while you're touching yourself, all you're thinking is, "Am I doing it right? How will I know when I...? Is it happening yet? Is it going to happen? Omg, when am I going to come already!" you're just making it that much harder on yourself. Eventually when you're more familiar with the feeling you can learn to bring it on or put it off, but in the beginning stages, the most important thing is just to get to that feeling. And ironically, to do that, you need to stop thinking about it so hard. Cracking under pressure is especially unfortunate when it involves wrist joints.

Seduce Yourself

You don't have to take yourself out to a fancy dinner. (Although, honestly? Why not!) But you are seducing yourself in a very real way. So make you feel special. Be mindful of the time you choose. Are you alone in the house? Could someone walk in at any moment? Consider these things beforehand so they don't become unnecessary obstacles. Put on something that makes you feel sexy but allows for easy access. Something comfortable - no corsets. Erotic asphyxiation is for a different blog.

Have a mood set. Be careful of what's playing on TV, Netflix, the radio, or otherwise running in the background, especially if you're particularly attentive to your surroundings. I don't care how fast you can rub your fingers together - Saw 5 is a deal breaker. Also during certain times of day you may want to create some ambient noise - maybe put a fan on? - to drown out sounds from outside. Car horns, police sirens, and children running and laughing will ruin your mood if you let them. Dim the lights, maybe even light some candles. Treat yourself the way you would want to be treated by your partner - real or imagined.

Okay, so the mood is set. Now what?

I have three suggestions:


Before you start breaking out your Rabbits and your vibrating touches, take it back to basics. Kick it O School (wink) for a minute. Toys are for the experienced, and if you're still trying to figure out what your body likes, you aren't there yet. Close your eyes and let yourself imagine something that turns you on. Play a scene in your head. Hell, play a movie in your head, and see where it takes you.


Erotica - aka romance novels / aka book porn - is an option if you don't have an original fantasy to fuel your time with yourself. Erotic novels are literally everywhere (some are even free). I would suggest reading something before resorting to watching something, because it still allows you to use your imagination and ultimately visualize what really works for you.

Erotic Film

Erotic films don't necessarily need to mean porn. You can start out with something lighter, softer, like a movie with a sexual theme, or one that's very sexually charged. If you do decide to move onto porn, make sure you've taken some time to do your research and find out exactly what you like. There's A LOT out there. The time to start searching through categories is BEFORE you change into your teddy and light the candles - not AFTER. 

Once you've set the mood and made yourself as comfortable as you can be, the rest is up to you. I could start giving you tips, like place your thumb and middle finger together, there, and roll, but every woman is different. What my body loves, yours may hate, and vise versa. It's up to you to explore, discover, and eventually delight in your body's own uniqueness. 

Happy masturbation, ladies.

x's and many O's,


See 500+ Masturbating Euphemisms for a complete list

More posts like this on Belle Rosada's sex blog O School 
For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Orgasm Control


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