July 02, 2014

Out Of The Box

Fifty Shades of Fucking Hot 

"Did you reach any conclusions?" I whisper.
"No, and right now, I just want to tie you up and fuck you senseless. Are you ready for that?"
"Yes," I breathe as everything in my body tightens at once...wow.
"Good. Come." He takes my hands and, leaving all the dirty dishes on the breakfast bar, we head upstairs.
My heart starts pounding. This is it. I'm really going to do this. My inner goddess is spinning like a world-class-ballerina, pirouette after pirouette. He opens the door to his playroom, standing back for me to walk through, and I am once more in the Red Room of Pain. 
It's the same, the smell of leather, citrus-scented polish, and dark wood, all very sensual. My blood is running heated and scared through my system - adrenaline mixed with lust and longing. It's a heady, potent cocktail. Christian's stance has changed completely, subtly altered, harder and meaner. He gazes down at me and his eyes are heated, lustful...hypnotic.
"When you're in here, you are completely mine," he breathes, each word slow and measured. "To do with as I see fit. Do you understand?"
His gaze is so intense. I nod, my mouth dry, my heart feeling as if it will jump out of my chest.
"Take your shoes off," he orders softly.
I swallow, and rather clumsily, I take them off. He bends and picks them up and deposits them beside the door. 
"Good. Don't hesitate when I ask you to do something. Now I'm going to peel you out of this dress. Something I've wanted to do for a few days, if I recall. I want you to be comfortable with your body, Anastasia. You have a beautiful body, and I like to look at it. It is a joy to behold. In fact, I could gaze at you all day, and I want you unembarrassed and unashamed of your nakedness. Do you understand?"
"Yes, what?" He leans over me, glaring.
"Yes, Sir."
"Do you mean that?" he snaps.
"Yes, Sir."
"Good. Lift your arms up over your head."
I do as instructed, and he reaches down and grabs the hem. Slowly, he pulls my dress up over my thighs, my hips, my belly, my breasts, my shoulders, and up over my head. He stands back to examine me and absentmindedly folds my dress, not taking his eyes off me. He places it on the large chest beside the door. Reaching up, he pulls at my chin, his touch searing me.
"You're biting your lip," he breathes. "You know what that does to me," he adds darkly. "Turn around."

- Fifty Shades of Grey, by E L James


For a long time vanilla sex was all I knew. Actually, personally knew. Oh sure, I knew that fetishes existed. I knew there were people and things out there in the big, bad world that might be considered kinky. The words kink and fetish also sounded like swear words to me at the time, and I felt safe and content far, far away from those words.

But then, due to my healthy appetite for reading erotica, I discovered something that shocked me. Truly, truly shocked me and has since altered me irrevocably. I discovered that there were things that went on inside the big, bad world of BDSM and D/s that intrigued me. There were some aspects of it I knew I'd never touch. But others? Others seemed perfectly natural to me. As natural as breathing. I was suddenly met with a justification for desires I'd previously suppressed and denied, and the knowledge of the many delicious ways I could have long ignored fantasies realized.

Whether you're an every-day, vanilla sex person, a proud owner of the Kama Sutra and your very own handcuffs, or an established member of the BDSM community, this post is to offer a little bit of information about what else is "out there" in the big, bad world of sex, and how you can safely navigate it as you explore your sexuality.

BDSM and D/s

BDSM is often used as an umbrella term to encompass a lot of different things. It stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. D/s stands for Dominance and submission. Sometimes these things go hand in hand. Sometimes they do not. It completely depends on the relationship and the inclinations and preferences of the individuals involved.

If you are already in a safe, healthy relationship with a significant other and would like to start exploring some things in the bedroom that are a little more "out of the box", this can be an interesting place to start exploring. Most women I know experience an innate response to dominance and authority. I experience it too. It's something that I always knew that I wanted and needed, even when I didn't know just how much of it I needed. That said, if my stamp of approval means anything, here it is!
If you are not already in a safe, healthy relationship with a significant other, but you know you'd like to explore your sexuality in this way, the rest of this post is for you. Please be VERY careful, because while sex is already risky business if you're not careful, BDSM can be every riskier.


Before you strip down and start having a sexual relationship with anyone, I would hope that you first make sure that mutual trust and respect is established. However, I understand that not everyone out there is marriage minded or relationship minded, and sometimes the only thing being considered before sex is whether it will be a good time.

This is different. A D/s relationship can only work if trust is present. The nature of a Dominant/submissive dynamic is simple - both parties have mutually decided that one person is relinquishing control to the other. Exactly how that control is relinquished is up to those individuals. Some couples live the power exchange 24/7. Some turn it on for the weekends only, or have designated days. Some practice it in all aspects of life, while others reserve it strictly for the bedroom. It is a serious matter that is discussed at length before anything physical can happen. The passage above happened nineteen chapters in, because everything up until that point was negotiating terms!

If, like me, you were introduced to this world through works of fiction, understand that as with all other romance novels you are reading a glorified, idealized version of reality. Unlike the characters in your novels, movies or TV shows, your kinky desires may not align perfectly with every single man you meet who has a vague interest in Dominance/submission. There are many different flavors. Make sure you are honest with yourself and your potential partner about what you will and will not accept. Be sure to talk about both your limits, and make sure you have safety measures in place (safe words) in case someone is uncomfortable while things are already underway.

While it can read very hot on paper, it is only so because the ideal Dominant is a responsible individual who knows and respects their submissive's wants, needs and limits. A Dominant must be able to assume this responsibility readily, and a submissive must be able to trust their Dominant in order to submit in good faith. Without this, without trust, this kind of play can get dicey, dangerous and even abusive.

To avoid validating certain sites over others, I will simply say that if you are interested in exploring the other flavors, the Chocolate, the Rocky Road and the Karamel Sutra, there are plenty of resources online and lots of educational literature that can give you an informed, balanced idea of what to expect should you actually try it.

Don't knock it - a spanking can be absolutely lovely. Just make sure you trust who you try it with.

x's and many O's,


More posts like this on Belle Rosada's sex blog O School 
For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Orgasm Control


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