July 20, 2014

"Bitch"



I'm Not a Bitch, I'm Just Not Stupid


I've been actively dating for a couple of months now, and along the way I've discovered something that I previously did not know about myself.

I'm a bitch.

Apparently...depending on who you ask. What I find amusing about this is the particular conversations, events, and/or incidents that seem to lead others to the inevitable conclusion that I am a bitch. Amusing...because "bitchiness" according to my recent experience is exhibiting any behavior that does not allow the other party to have things their way at your expense.

By that definition if there are any women out there who aren't bitches, they should be.

The main reason that I'm apparently a bitch?

I'm Not Confused


Men like to play dumb when they're acting up, and it works well for them if you play dumb too. If a man is playing dumb with me I will spell things out explicitly...and slowly. This can sometimes throw a monkey wrench in certain "playing dumb" plans such as...

Accidental Sex

Men like to create situations where sex could "possibly" happen. Even if you've been clear about not wanting to have sex, or just haven't given the green light that you're there yet. This little game is always one of words unspoken, because deep down they know that if they say, "Hey, want to go back to my place and have some uncomplicated sex?" they're risking getting hit with the "N" word.

No.

And they don't want to hear the "N" word, so they don't ask. Instead, they try to create the situation that they want, hoping that you'll follow blindly without ever speaking up and expressing concern or discomfort. 

Me? I don't play that shit. As far as I'm concerned, if you can't say it, you can't have it. If you're afraid or ashamed to be upfront about what you want, it's because you know there's a problem. And why the hell should I go along with it and play dumb when doing so means accepting an obviously shady situation? If you try and lead me into a trap, I will call you out on it. I am not mean for pointing out YOUR bad behavior. 

A classic example of this is when men ask you if you want to watch a movie. But for some reason instead of the living room with the big screen they want to watch it in the bedroom. Then they have no DVD collection and drag their feet when you start making suggestions, like Netflix.

I once had a guy cock his head to the side, sigh, and say, "You're making this really difficult." The this that he was referring to? 

This = Pretending that I invited you here for the reason I suggested - the one you agreed to - when what I'm really interested in is getting naked, which I neglected to mention on the phone, and which you're obviously not too interested in yourself seeing as how I had to bait you in the first place.

One-Sided Friends With Benefits

There is nothing wrong with being friends with benefits if both parties are on board. But often, men try to achieve a friends with benefits situation with a woman that wants a relationship with them, and when they succeed, they do so because the woman they're involved with never pipes up and acknowledges the fact that they don't seem to be in a committed relationship "yet".

When you aren't confused, this plan goes horribly awry.

This happens a lot with discarded dates. I'll go on a few dates with a guy and realize that he isn't dating because he's looking to meet someone he can actually be with. He's a serial dater - dating to meet as many women as possible, and experience as many women as possible, keeping his interactions light, sweet, and loose. 

The friends with benefits silent suggestion happens at the point when I pull away and they finally admit, "Yeah, actually, I'm not really looking for a relationship." You don't say? "Nothing has to change though, I really like you and I'd like to keep seeing you." 

Um...no.

I'm sure you would - but that isn't happening.

Eventually we have the awkward conversation about how I'm treating them "differently". I have to slowly explain that before, when we were dating, they were potential significant others whereas now they are just a friend, and they should not expect things to be exactly the same, since the circumstances have now changed. Somehow explaining this is mean. And it's hurtful.

Really? Yeah...because saying "I'm not looking for anything serious right now, I just want to have some fun" and then expecting us to have sex - essentially telling me that I'm someone you want to "have fun" [read: play] with isn't mean? Opting not to be your disposable sex buddy is meaner? Well then boo hoo - so be it. 

It isn't too difficult to see that in these situations the only real problem is that I'm neither playing nor simply being dumb and allowing someone to take advantage of me. With a person with good intentions who actually cares about me, these little disputes would never even arise! So you know what, if that makes me a bitch then I'm damn proud to be. 

In fact, you can call me Queen Bitch.



Sincerely bitchin',

Belle




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