June 11, 2014

Pussy Control


Keeping your pussy under your control  

With the right person, dating can be wonderful. Romantic dinners. Flowers. Chocolate (Godiva, I hope). A slow progression of emotions and chemistry; sexual energy new, vibrant and exciting.

Amazing.

With the right person. But with the wrong person?

Dating can be despicably awful. Sexual advances that follow barely five minutes after, "Hi, my name is...". A rogue hand not-so-subtly sneaking down to grope you on the way out of the restaurant, because hand holding is apparently so 1865. Passive aggressive comments about who's paying for dinner; suggestions that dinner is adequate payment for the obviously guaranteed sex later on.

Nightmare.

And with the nightmares, while it's frustrating and at times disheartening, it's also pretty simple. You either slap the jerk, excuse yourself from the date early, grit your teeth and wait it out or, in extreme cases, head to the bathroom, toss your heels out the window, hop on out and run for it.

Simple. Right?

But what happens when it's not a nightmare? What happens when you meet someone, and you're pleasantly surprised to find that this one wouldn't be better suited to life as a feminine product [read: douche], but is actually human and, even more impressive, a man. A real, live, door opening, hand holding, stands up too when you get up and excuse yourself to the ladies room kind of man. Maybe he's also cute, or even ruggedly handsome. Maybe there's a chemistry. At that point, what exactly do you do?

In other words: How do you keep your panties on when they're soaking wet?

To some, the awesome dates are just as simple as the nightmare dates. Wet panties? Go back to his place and take 'em off!

And that's 100% okay. In no way am I against sex on the first date. At the same time though, it isn't for everyone, myself included. As much as I love kink, toys, talking dirty, and sex against the hallway wall while the Ginuwine Pandora station is bumping, it's not just about the physical for me. It's about context - how well you know the person, how you feel about the person, how that person feels about you. I can only speak for myself, but once I had the real thing - that is, sex & love at the same time - going back was no longer an option. It's like going back to a regular ham sandwich on Wonder bread when you've been living on Subway for years. Mom's sandwiches were great, don't get me wrong. But I want everything. Lettuce, tomato, onions, extra pickles.

Oh...and footlong bread, of course. ::wink::

I don't know whether to blame it on hormones, age, or the spoils of longterm relationships, but what I do know is that I'm no longer capable of casual sex, sex on the first date, or any kind of sex that neatly fits into the not-together-and-not-committed-and-or-emotionally-involved category. Which is tricky. Super, super tricky. Because while my brain knows this, my vagina does not.

No, my vagina doesn't receive all of the signals that my brain receives. It only receives certain signals. Like - this man has broad shoulders. This man's biceps are fun to caress. This man is pretty sexy. Chemistry starts going, wine starts flowing, and the next thing you know clothing seems entirely optional.

So what do you do when your body is more than ready to have sex with someone, but your mind and heart just haven't caught up yet?

Here are a few tips that I am not just dishing out but currently employing myself:

Communicate


Talk about it. It doesn't need to be an hour long discussion. It doesn't need to be a five paragraph text/email or a Keynote presentation. But you should communicate wanting to wait, just to make sure you're both on the same page. On the one hand it may let you know exactly what his end game is and help you weed out the one-night-standers early. But if only so that he isn't trying to tug your g-string off every night until you finally have to super glue it to your ass - let him know what's up. 

Live On Your Own Timeline


This isn't about The Rules. Not society's, or his. This is about you. Men can kill you, you know. Seriously! I'm barely 100 lbs and I like them tall, strong and athletic, so when I have sex with someone, I'm essentially risking my life - and trusting them with it. Think of it that way the next time you get naked alone with someone and I'm sure you will feel a lot more justified in taking all the time you need before doing so. There is no three date rule. No five date rule. No if-I'm-not-getting-it-from-you-I'm-going-to-start-looking-elsewhere deadline you need to pressure yourself into meeting. Try not to count the dates, weeks, or number of meals he's paid for, because none of that has anything to do with when or why you'll feel ready. 

Oh - and if he is pressuring you? Someone who isn't respecting your boundaries early on sure as hell won't respect them later, so think long and hard before you push yourself into doing something you don't want to do out of fear of "losing" him. The guy that pressures you into sex is the type that's likely to screw you over (get it?) anyway

Masturbate


No need for a double take. No, that's not a typo.

Assuming that you want to have sex with him as badly as he wants to have sex with you, you may need to go the extra mile to make sure your libido is under control in his presence. Try relaxing showers before dates (extra relaxing if you remove the shower head, but you didn't hear that from me...). If you don't think you're capable of restraining yourself, do not go back to his place or yours and do not take your clothes off. If you do think you're capable, make sure you're both on the same page at all times. "Just cuddle" has a lot of different meanings depending on who you ask and when - just saying.

Enjoy It


Don't knock it - waiting can be kind of exquisite. It all depends on how you look at it. Rather than seeing it as a setback, view it as an opportunity. It's a chance to get to know that person without your sex hormones clouding your judgement. A chance to discuss what the two of you want in and out of the bedroom, making it that much more likely that you'll both enjoy it when you finally do have sex. 

Not to mention...if the two of you can find a way to get off without intercourse, imagine how amazing it could be once you actually have the option.

Oh, and if all else fails and you still can't control yourself, you can always flee the state for a couple of weeks to get your bearings. 

::smirk:: Just kidding.

Happy waiting. 



x's and many O's,

Belle

Ps: If you haven't already guessed it? - Huge Prince fan!

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