May 14, 2014

Going Down

The blow job you want to give without embarrassment, exhaustion or injury

If you are a member of the heterosexual community and tend to date men from said community, the men that you meet, date and eventually sleep with will have no idea what a blow job entails. They know what it feels like, and they know what it looks like - sure. But whether because the bulk of their erotic education has been streamed over elicit websites or because the women of their past have not told them the truth (that or just didn't have a gag reflex) they don't understand that a blow job is exactly that - a JOB! 

I'm personally bisexual and thus have had the privilege of intimacy with both genders. Let me tell you: As with most of life for us women, it is NOT equal pay for equal work. Men may think that if they give their all, you should give yours too, having no idea that performing oral sex on a woman barely requires limits to be pushed, whereas doing so on a man requires limits to be pushed, stretched, and in some cases damn near choked to death. Factor that in with the fact that the average woman is not a porn star and you may find yourself in a situation where your partner's expectations when venturing south of the border are some that you can't or simply don't want to meet. 

Whether it's your favorite thing in the world to perform or something you only break out on Christmas, Valentine's Day and his birthday, I'm going to provide you with my version of a Going Down Do's and Don'ts Guide. And since as women we tend to be people pleasers and thus more likely to ignore our limits and overextend ourselves, I'm going to start with the don'ts. 

Going Down Don'ts

Don't: Give to receive. While reciprocity is nice, it's neither required nor sexy. I can't imagine a bigger turn off than a man going down on me, crawling up for a kiss and then muttering, "your turn". Even if I was planning on reciprocating I wouldn't at that point, because I would feel like his motives for pleasing me were disingenuous. Learn to ask for what you want up front. Don't do it because you want something from him. Do it because you want to. And if you don't...

Don't: Perform oral sex if you don't actually WANT to. This is not a prerequisite to sex. Oral sex is extremely intimate. Personally I find it even more intimate than intercourse. (Yes, really.) Whatever your doubts are, trust that they are valid and are not made suddenly invalid but your partner's declaration of being ready and willing to go down on you. You are not on the clock and thus in no way required. So when in doubt - don't. 

Don't: Overextend yourself or ignore your limits. It's understandable that when you do want to perform oral sex, you want to perform well. Still, being unrealistic about your capabilities may have consequences (i.e.: extreme soreness and discomfort after or even during the fact, painful and embarrassing gagging and choking, accidental biting...need I say more?). Be honest with yourself and your partner not just about what you want to do, but what you can do. 

Going Down Do's

Do: Let him know that you enjoy pleasing him. The beauty of only going down when you want to is that you'll never be dragging your feet or doing a "lazy" job - it will always be your choice. Chances are he'll enjoy himself more if he knows you're genuinely enjoying it too. 

Do: Pace yourself. Don't just acknowledge your capabilities and limits - work with them. Use anticipation to your advantage. Tease. Perhaps start of slow and work up to a more challenging speed. Maybe begin with light suction rather than starting with your mouth on HIGH. Keep not just his pleasure, but also your personal comfort in mind. It can either be an amazing, short burst or a long climb that builds up to amazing. Your choice. 

Do: Get creative and spare your mouth. You don't necessarily have to have ALL OF IT in your mouth the ENTIRE time. Not all men agree on this, granted, but a fair amount believe it is more about the visual show than anything else. That means working yourself one way to the point of exhaustion might not be the ticket to the best blow job you can give. Vary things a bit in ways that will allow your mouth a rest. Remember things: Like the fact that you still have hands, or that most twigs come with berries. 

As always, be open and honest with your partner so that the two of you (or heck, maybe not just two?) can figure out what works best for you both. 

Happy head, ladies.

Oh...and don't forget to breathe. 

x's and many O's,


More posts like this on Belle Rosada's sex blog O School 
For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Orgasm Control


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